What to write in a funny birthday card

They say that with age comes wisdom. So you see, you don't have all the signs of aging after all. Happy Birthday!
It's a true sign of aging when your candles cost more than the cake. Happy Birthday!
Age is just a number. Unfortunately for you, that number keeps increasing! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! They say that what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. I'm not so sure about birthdays though. :)
Do you want the good news or the bad news on your birthday? The good news is, you're another year older and another year wiser. The bad news is, the hangover is bound to be worse than last year so make the most of it!
Best wishes on your birthday! I bought along a welders eye shield so that the light from all of those candles doesn't hurt your eyes!
Happy Birthday. I love celebrating with you because we have to get an extra big cake to fit all the candles... and more cake is always a good thing in my book!
You should feel very lucky. Do you know how many people are celebrating their birthday today in the world? Yet, I chose to be here at your party! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! Dust off your dancing shoes and party like it's 1999 (you were there, remember?).
I just wanted to let you know that from now on all compliments given to you will be followed by "for your age". Happy Birthday!
When you get to your age there's nothing funny about a birthday. So on your birthday let's have another drink and pretend that you're a spring chicken again. All the best.
With this many candles on your cake there's a serious risk of setting off the fire alarm. If only you got an extra wish for each candle! But I'm pretty sure it's just one wish so make it a good one and have a great birthday.
Stop trying to count the candles and just blow them out before they set the house on fire! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday. Now that technology has taken over the world you'll get a lot of birthday wishes on Facebook from people you can't remember or don't care about. Obviously I'm not one of those!
Just think about the things that you would want me to tell you on your birthday, and assume that I said them. Happy Birthday!
Don't worry about getting older, you've entered the period in which people won't judge you if you go look for a plastic surgeon! Happy Birthday!
Congratulations and commiserations on your birthday. The bad news is, you're another year older. The good news is, it's all downhill from here. Interpret that whichever way you like!
A lot of celebrities were born on the same day as you, which means they are as old as you are. One difference: they are rich and famous, you're not! Happy Birthday!
Do like me: keep saying you're 18 with a few years of experience on your shoulders! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! Don't worry about getting old, it just means that now you can get the best seat on the bus.
If you want to know whether you're old this birthday, try this simple test. If you need children to help you blow the candles out, you're definitely over the hill.
You're a very picky person, and it was hard to find you a gift. So, in the end, I got you nothing! Happy Birthday!
You can have a barrel of monkeys, a parliament of owls or a murder of crows. But what's the collective noun for birthdays - an embarrassment of birthdays? Have a great birthday, but try not to disgrace yourself this year.
Happy Birthday! They say that growing older is an art, if that's true then you must be a Picasso.
As long as you stay away from the karaoke machine, I'm sure your birthday will be fun for everyone. Here's to an awesome party (let's leave the singing to the professionals)!
The funny thing about birthdays is that they're never quite what you expect. But if you expect the unexpected, you should be fine - happy birthday!
Age is a funny business: some women lie about their age and some men don't act theirs! Happy Birthday!
Happy 21st Birthday! YOU WISH!
Happy Birthday - you may be another year older but I'm not sure you're another year wiser. Oh well, plenty of time for that later!
Happy Birthday, I think you're swell. I know your age but I'll never tell!
You know what they say... what comes up, must come down. However, that's not true when it comes to your age. It keeps going up! Happy Birthday!
I know what I'm going to buy you for your next birthday: a bigger cake to fit all the candles! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! It's your party and you can cry if you want to, but that wouldn't be much fun for the rest of us so we'd prefer it if you have a few drinks and did something indecent and stupid. All the best.
When your birthdays come more often than you do, it's time to start worrying. Hope you get lucky this birthday!
Happy Birthday! Hope you're paid up your with insurance, you know, considering all the candles that are going to be put on your cake and all.
Look on the bright side, you're not as old as you will be on your next birthday. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! We have the fire department on standby for when we light the candles on your cake.
I was going to make you a rum cake for your birthday, unfortunately, now I'm drunk and it's just a cake. Happy Birthday!
What goes up must come down, except if it's your birthday because age is the exception to the rule. I say rules were made to be broken so have a brilliant birthday - the sky's the limit!
Happy Birthday! From this year onward, you'll notice that your back will go out more times than you!
Congratulations on your birthday. You've still got your whole life ahead of you - the choice is yours whether it's all downhill from here or the only way is up!
I can see a glow beyond the horizon, far, far away, and deep in my heart I know... It's your birthday cake. Happy Birthday!
What do you get a person who has everything? The gift of nothing! Happy Birthday!!
Happy Birthday! Today's the one day that you do not have to worry about being on a balanced diet, you just have to hold 2 pieces of cake in each hand and you'll be completely balanced.
It is been said that with age comes wisdom. So you must be the wisest person that I know. Happy Birthday!
It's so nice to be healthy, young and full of energy. Do you remember?
Who cares how very old we are? You're the oldest one by far. That's why on your special date, we all like to celebrate.
Happy Birthday! Remember, just because you're getting older, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to act your age.
Happy Birthday! It must be quite easy for you to remember your age, since it is the same every year.
We're always being told to avoid temptation but I firmly believe that on your birthday you should give in to it because the older you get, temptation starts avoiding you! Have a great day and I hope temptation finds you this year.
Listen, I'm not going to make you feel bad about your age by making bad age-related jokes. Also, to be honest, I'm just here to eat the cake! Happy Birthday!
I know I was supposed to buy you this card for something, but I can't remember why! Oh right, your birthday! See, with age comes forgetfulness! Happy Birthday!
Hooray, it's your birthday! Today's the day to forget all your cares, just like I forgot to get you a present.
Here's to the world's best kept secret. Your true age. Happy Birthday!
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is not a promise. Don't focus on your present. Also because I forgot to get you one! Happy Birthday!
Birthdays are a good thing. The more you have, the longer you live. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! You're now over the hill! Hopefully next year you won't be buried under it!
When people start questioning the grey in your hair, just tell them it's the color of wisdom! Happy Birthday!
Let's face it, we probably would have had a few drinks today anyway... but it's your birthday so now we have an excuse to have more than a few. Shame it only comes once a year, but all the more reason to make it a good one!
When you start acting your age, I'll start to worry about you. Happy Birthday - here's to staying young at heart!
Don't worry, I'm not going to make any age related jokes. I truly feel horrible about how old you are. Happy Birthday!
Try to look at this day from a positive perspective: although you're getting older and the candles are multiplying, you still don't need a flame-thrower to light them all up!
Just wanted to give you all of my best wishes on your Birthday. If anyone calls you old tell them to get stuffed. All the best.
They say a good friend will remember your birthday but not how old you are. Luckily I'm even older than you and your age is one of the many things I've forgotten - quite frankly it's a miracle I even remembered your birthday so let's celebrate!
Remember, wine get better with age. The jury is still out if this applies to you. Happy Birthday!
A year older is nothing to worry about if you don't consider all the pains and aches that come with age! Happy Birthday!
Wishing you a very Happy Birthday! Now that you've become older, wiser and more sophisticated - You're mature enough not to be worried about material things like presents, so all I got you was this card.
On your special day it's hard to find the right words to say how I feel about you, because my mother always told me I should be nice to people on their birthday!
A birthday is a double-edged sword. It's a great excuse for a party, but it usually brings more grey hairs, saggy bits and wrinkles! Stay sharp this year and have an awesome birthday :)
Sending all of my best wishes your way on your birthday! Just remember, don't try too hard to blow all of those candles out... You might lose your dentures.
They say that time is a great healer, too bad it's a lousy beautician. Happy Birthday!
Wine improves the older it gets, but cheese just goes moldy. Why do some things get better with age and some things don't? That's all I'm saying... Happy Birthday!
Do you know the saying "You're like wine. the older you get, the better you are"? Yeah, it doesn't work with you. You're more like milk. The older you get, the more spoiled you become! Happy Birthday!
Counting your wrinkles is harder than counting the stars in the sky! Happy Birthday!
Don't feel bad. Age only matters if you're wine, cheese or scotch. Happy Birthday!
People say that the older you get, the wiser you become. How come this saying doesn't apply to you? Happy Birthday!
Another year since you were born, but there's no need to look forlorn. You're gorgeous now as you were then, let's celebrate it once again!
There's only one person I'd like to share this day with. That person is you! Well, mostly it's because today it's your birthday! Happy Birthday!
No matter how old or forgetful you are, the most important thing to remember is to never, ever grow up. Thankfully in your case there's no danger of that happening any time soon! Happy Birthday to the oldest kid I know.
Congratulations on your birthday! I wish I knew your age, but we both know I'm not good with long numbers.
I don't know why people say "Happy Birthday". Let's call a spade a spade, shall we?! Happy aging day!
Happy Birthday! This is the year when you stop counting your blessings and start counting your wrinkles!
Hope you have a great birthday. If you're not so happy about getting another year older, just be glad you're not a dog or you'd be seven times older!
Just wanted to send you many wishes on your birthday. Don't even bother trying to count the candles on your cake, even a maths teacher would lose count.
Many best wishes on your birthday! The astronauts in space are sure going to have a great light-show from all of those candles on your cake.
I know you would love for me to write something special. Something special! Here you go, I did it! Happy Birthday!
For a second I thought you didn't have a birthday cake. Then I saw that it's buried underneath all the candles! Happy Birthday!
Just wanted to wish you a wonderful Birthday! Remember to count your blessings and not your candles.
It's gonna be a hot night tonight! Especially with all the candles on your cake. Happy Birthday!
Congratulations, so far this is the oldest that you've ever been. Happy Birthday!
Now that you're another year older you've probably got more hair where you don't want it and less hair where you do want it. You can't fight it but at least you can still let your hair down and have fun on your birthday!
I'd remember that today's your birthday even if Facebook hadn't reminded me... no really, I would! Happy Birthday.
You are starting to run out of room on that cake. Next year, you better get two cakes or all those candles won't fit! Happy Birthday!
You only get one birthday suit. You can't change it and you can't iron the wrinkles out... but fortunately for the rest of us at least you can cover it up. Try to keep yourself decent this birthday!
Young and smart in years to come is wrinkled, old and wise. But in between there's lots of fun, so party now and dry your eyes.
As you get older you're supposed to eat more fiber, act mature and get your priorities right. Priority number one is to have an awesome party... you can worry about the rest later. Happy Birthday!
Look on the bright side, if we were counting your age in dog years, you wouldn't be here. Happy Birthday!
Nothing in life is for free, not even maturity! In fact, aging is the price you pay for it! Happy Birthday!
On this day we say nice things, and maybe even buy you bling. But birthdays come but once a year, so let's all raise a glass and cheer!
Congratulations on your birthday! You may not be able to stop yourself from growing old, but you can certainly stop yourself from acting it. Have fun!
Fashion goes in cycles, but that's no excuse for making the same fashion mistakes over and over again! You've been around long enough to know that a birthday's the perfect excuse to spoil yourself with a new outfit, so step out in style!
The secret services want to know how you've been able to keep your real age a secret all these years! Happy Birthday!
I know you wanted something special for your birthday, but I couldn't find a store that sold time machines! Happy Birthday!
It's your birthday, I'm not there but please don't think that I don't care. Even though we're far apart, I'll raise a cheer - I cross my heart!
Is it just me or do you look like you're getting older? Oh wait, today is your birthday! Happy Birthday!
If you're feeling stressed about getting another year older, close your eyes and imagine you're in a bathtub full of spiders. OK, now open your eyes again and be glad it's only your birthday! Hope it's a great one with no spiders in sight.
Congratulations on becoming wiser with every passing birthday. Too bad wisdom has nothing to do with sanity. Happy Birthday!
Why is it that when men have a birthday they take the day off to enjoy it, but women on the other hand take a few years off? Happy Birthday!
Nature brought you something as well for your birthday: a brand new ache! Happy Birthday!
I know how much you hate telling people how old you are, so this year I've saved you the trouble by posting it on your Facebook page. My gift to you - happy birthday!
Considering how many candles you're going to need for your birthday, we should just get you a candle factory. Happy Birthday!